This isn't going to be some inspirational post today :P haha.
sorryy,

this is just going to be a rant that i have to get off of my mind so that I can concentrate more on studying/taking notes for class.

Anyways,
so recently, I've started thinking about my future. About applying for York's Concurrent Education Program, which is one of the best in Canada. I'm starting to freak out about it :S

Last Wednesday, I attended the talk for the program, and the woman there mentioned everything that we needed to know for the Con-Ed application process. Now, I already knew about most of what she discussed, but like, I guess I wasn't really THINKING about it, you know? I thought to myself, "Oh, its still a LONG way to go, no need to worry about it right now!"

Just last week, I started realizing that I SHOULD start thinking about it, and maybe i should start PREPARING for it, because it DOES require a lot of work. Personally, I'm SO scared now.

I hate the feeling of getting rejected/ having to repeat things that I strive for. And, I've already dealt with this earlier on this year; I'm not prepared and i'm not READY to go through it again! Cus it SUCKS. BIG-TIME....

1 in 3 people get in for Con-Ed. This is still better than applying for Teacher's College, which is like, 1 in 10! But still, I'm so worried that I won't be able to make it. I'm scared of what the future holds for me.

A couple of years back, I was in this conference held by this guy who was Indian, but he spoke Indonesian, so he had this conference. He's a prophet, so he was just prophesying over people, including myself.

As I recall his words, he said that I will be attending 2 levels of education, one right after another. And that he saw me teaching in crowds.

Now that I dwell on those words, fear is stirring in my heart. If this is what GOD wants me to do, I'm scared I won't be able to handle it. Am I really capable of doing that? Teaching in large crowds? Can i even HANDLE teaching those little kids? I seem to lack the courage needed to stop trouble from ensuing.

What if I can't handle it? I'm scared that I won't get into the program, either Teacher's College OR concurrent education. And I feel pressured from my family to get accepted into con-ed.
But to be honest, I'm not too sure I can handle it....

and maybe God won't let me get into Con-Ed for that reason! But, i'm still applying for it, just in case.... and cus I want to be able to get into a good program at York, rather than the usual Arts program that is so freaking easy to get into.. again, it's my pride =/

I'm just so worried....... ahhhh, God help me!