This past weekish, or maybe since beginning of February, since school started, I've been "too busy" to spend that much time with God. And I feel guilty for doing so, cus that's NO excuse.
I was always "too tired" to get up earlier in the morning, I was always "too tired" to focus all that much on HIm in the night time before I headed off to sleep.
But you know what God reminded me of? His faithfulness.

It never ceases to amaze me how often times we neglect the Perfect One who loves us more than anything else in this world. It's like... we take Him for granted too often. I take him for granted much more often than I care to admit. Instead, I waste all my time & energy getting so hung up on being a "people-pleaser", trying to find acceptance and love in places that would only get me disappointed.

You know, it bugs me how I know that finding acceptance/love in people does NOT get me love, yet I still look for it. It bothers me that God has already shown me His love and how GOOD He is, and I have experienced His healing touch. Yet I still choose to find acceptance/love in the people around me....

Why? Perhaps its because I "Know" it in my head, but not in my HEART, if you know what I mean.

It sucks being in a pit that seems impossible to get out. It SUCKS hurting over certain things that are not even worth fussing about. It SUCKS that I don't come to God for it more often!
I need to change! =)

Sometimes I feel like giving up. Honestly, this past week, I've been almost on the verge of giving up. I feel so tired. I feel as if I don't want to pursue this journey anymore. But I also know, that deep down, it's the only way I'll truly get free from all this.

I was reminded of this verse in the Bible. It's in James.
"Blessed are those who persevere." Or something like that. I'm not sure the exact wording for it,
but it struck me. BLESSED are those who persevere.... perseverance builds character. It makes you stronger, better.

A lot of the time, I wish I could just BECOME like that. But I also realize that if I just BECAME that, i would never be able to help others who are going through times of crisis!
God can use MY troubles and my perseverence to build someone else up =)
Lord,

I apologize for using the "too busy" excuse. I know for sure that it saddened you. I'm sorry.
I really am. Help me to be able to focus on what TRULY matters- YOUR opinion of me. Your view on how perfect and wonderfully made I am. Remind me of Your faithfulness through the trials that I face. Remind me of Your goodness and LOVE. Remind me, most of all, that You LOVE me SO muchh. SO much, that I can just TRUST in YOu as my sheppard.

I want to know you as my shepparddd and my lover. God, reveal to me what YOur opinion of me is. Please...
Thank youu, Precious Lord. You are my rock, my comforter.
<3
your daughter,

Jennifer