The past couple of weeks have been somewhat of a confusing time for me. Now that school is over, I find that I have a LOT more time to spare. As a result, I feel like I waste my time away every day, ALL day on the computer, doing mindless & unproductive activities. These activities made me feel guilty for not being more "productive" so to speak. So God really convicted me to start "taking action" again. Now, I feel MORE productive because I help my mom with the daycare, I practice driving, and I help cook. :) That aside, I still feel kind of "distant" from God because, although I know He loves me, and I love Him, but it seems like I don't feel like spending more time with Him, and it makes me feel guilty. I know that Christianity is not a "religion" and therefore, I should not be "legalizing" my faith. But, at the same time, I feel like I'm not LEARNING as much as I should be, or growing, for that matter.

These past few months have also made me realize a lot of things. As I mentioned in my previous post, I've been realizing more and more about myself. Like, I realized that I have all these unsolved issues still, namely, unforgiveness to certain people. "anger-management" problems, just to name a few. So I have to deal with it, which I'm trying to, I really am. And particularly this past weekend, I've realized that my mindset is STILL not in complete sync with God's word because while He looks at the heart, I look at performance.
For example, I do praise and worship for church often. And I find that I get irritated when things don't go "my way." Like, I'm quite unflexable when it comes to performance. It bugs me when people are late when I said to be at a certain time, and I'm on time, and everyone else is late. It irritates me when we rehearsed a certain way, I told them to do something, but they didn't bother to listen. Because of all the irritation that took place, particularly last week, it took away from my complete focus, and I let the Devil win. I couldn't concentrate on P&W because I was so upset about minimal things. I had to keep on reminding myself that it is only by God's grace that I can do the things that other people can't. But I still lost because I let my anger/bitterness get the best of me. God spoke to me through these "ugly" emotions that I, NOT just other people, but ME TOO, have. I realized that I should STOP judging, because it is so true when the Bible says to not judge, otherwise, you'll get the amount of judgment that you give to other people.

I know this is self-righteous, and I admit that I was very wrong, but I guess i became proud over the years, especially after people continuously always complimenting my parents on how "well-behaved" and "admirable" their kids are. But honestly, I am JUST as bad as the next person. I may not SHOW it, but I think it, and in some ways, that is worse than actually showing it.

I have a lot to work on, but I believe that God wants to prune it out. All I have to do is let Him. How I can do that, I guess I should practice being more humble about myself.


But yeah, I apologize for this entry's lack of direction. I'm kind of jumping all over the place... hehe. But yeapp! This is what happens after being out of school for awhile. Hehe.

I have a LOT more to add.

A couple of other things that I learned was that God looks for the littlest sign of improvement and dismisses our tendency to backslide. Think about it. We're God's children right? If your child or little sister or brother was just learning to walk, and he stood up for ONE second and then fell back down again, what is the parent's reaction? "OHH, you stood up!!! GOOD JOB!!!!!" OR "You fell down again, HOW COULD YOu? BAD BOY BAD GIRL"? Which one? The first one, right? It's the same with God. When He looks down at us, all He sees is his little children. He's constantly encouraging us, cheering at our mini-achievements, our progress, despite how little it may be, He still cheers us on! That is the love of our Father. That is the unconditional love of a Father to his kid. JUST looking at us gives Him pleasure! I am reminded of how a guest speaker talked to me, and he said that God said that I bring delight to His eyes. Every time that He sees me, He just SMILES and bursts with delight and affection. Why? Is it because I obey him all the time? NO. Is it because I read the Bible 10 hours a day, fast for 3 days and 2 nights? NO! It is SIMPLY because I am His child, and He is my father. It's as simple as that. Just like a father, just looking at His child, is happy, SO is our Father in Heaven, God, is happy with us juts by looking at us. WE bring Him JOY & happiness... LOVE, & affection.

Let us be reminded today, of God's love for us. His love is abundant, and it does NOT rely on our performance, our deeds, or anything except for the fact that we were created by Him. He WANTED to create you, and therefore, He LOVES you, simply because He created you.
His arms are always open. All He asks in return is that you LOVE him back with ALL your heart, and accept His gift of love to you through His son, Jesus Christ.

As I mentioned before, even the most "righteous" people are sinners. We all deserve to go to Hell... but GOD loved us SO much that He GAVE UP His most PRIZED possession, His son, Jesus Christ, so that we can be friends with Him. And He doesn't just desire us to be acquaintances with God, but BEST, intimate friendship.
It cost him his beloved SON, but to Him, it was WORTH IT. All the pain was worth is, for the sake of MANY. WHY? Because He loved us THAT much. <3

"For God SO loved the world, that He gave His only begotten son, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3: 16

"But if we confess our sins to him, he is fatihful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." 1 John 1:9

"God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him." John 3:17