Typical New Years Eve Reminiscence

So it's New Years Eve, and 2009 is approaching as quickly as ever. In exactly 5 hours and 58 minutes, it will be a new year. I honestly cannot believe how quickly 2008 went. It's actually kind of scary how time FLIES. It really shows how little time we have on this Earth, as God is prepping us for Jesus' second coming.
This year has been both GREAT and BAD. My experiences this year have, in a way, 'exposed' me to how naive I am to the world that I live in. LOL. There has been a lot of NEW things that happened to me: the stress of university applications, the amazing prom night, new && amazing friends, entering university for the first time, going to ccf @ York and meeting THE MOST AMAZING people, being blessed with great friends who stuck with me through the thick and thin, straying/reviving my faith in the Lord, the removal of one pastor, and the replacement of another, learning and re-learning the AMAZING beauty of His love for us, amazing new concepts, learning that you can't always succeed in everything in life, and learning to be grateful for things, to be content within all circumstances.
In terms of my spiritual walk, I think I've learned more THIS year than I have EVER learned before. The truth is, though I've LEARNED a lot, I've also SUFFERED a lot spiritually & mentally. 2008 has been a rocky mountain/obstacle for me. But I'm also learning that you cannot focus on the negative aspects all the time, and you cannot live your own way. Living your own way is a foolish thing to do, wallowing in self-pity also is foolish. Why? Because so much of your energy gets drained when you try to live things YOUR way, when you constantly focus on the bad things in life. When I think about it, all those times where I've experienced, felt, or thought something negative, it didn't really help me. Cus i wouldn't want to move anymore, because I would be discouraged, or heartbroken, or ....... you name it. Being negative affects your relationship with other people, too. But when you are POSITIVE in your thinking, POSITIVE and HOPEFUL in GOD, you continue to strive for perfection. You continue, you move, you fastrack, you persist and persevere until you get your goal. And when you try to live your OWN way, you don't end up feeling good. I mean, technically, you DO feel good, but that feeling is only temporary. Your feelings of happiness, however, quickly fades away. One minute, it's there. The next thing you know, you're back in the dumps. It happens to me all the time. One moment, I'm excited, pumped up, passionate. The next thing I know, I'm down in the dumps. And I know the reason for that: it's because all these things that I've been so caught up in, are all EARTHLY... TEMPORARY.... they won't last forever. I've lacked an ETERNAL perspective. I've been so caught up with living in this world, trying to fit in to this world, trying to belong, when I've attempted to abandon who God made ME to be... JEN . S.. NOT somebody else. NOT like the rest of the world. As in the words of Ian from the movie What a Girl Wants, "Why do you try so hard to fit in, when you were born to stand out?"
When we view the world with our ETERNAL "eyes", we realize that all these worldly things seem to fade away in importance. These things that we try SO hard to get- popularity, succession, intelligence, achievements... when we die, we won't carry all that. All we'll carry is ourselves, our personalities, and thats IT. And at the end of the world, it all comes down to US and GOD. Our friends won't matter, our connections won't matter.. nothing will matter but God. Nothing WILL matter to God except for what we have done while we were on this earth; whether or not we made a difference, whether or not we did what we were called to do. And part of what we were called to do... was to BE OURSELVES... something that I'm not completely sure I've done... or allowed people to see. I may have acted myself all these years, but I may have 'covered up' a bit of myself from people, out of fear of rejection. Steering clear from having them get to know me, the REAL ME, && all because I'm scared that they will reject the REAL ME.
This year, I've been taught a lot. I've been taught to really love myself for who I am. I am so grateful for those individuals, you know who you are, who tried to get me to see how great of a person God created me to be. To be honest, though, it's not all over. I'm still struggling with that. But thank God that there's HOPE. Thank God that "I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13
This morning, I was reminded of the HOPE that I have in Christ. The JOY that I have in Christ. the POWER I have in Christ, and ALL THOSE THINGS will come in TIME.. in GOD's process, and that will also only come once I REALLY start to believe in God's love. Though I've felt like giving up numerous times, God has always been there, pushing me forward, urging me to have faith... in Him, and in myself, as well.
Try to live out 2009 in the most HOPEFUL manner. Remember to live by GOD's hope, GOD's blessings, and live HIS way, because that's the only way life will work out :)
God bless you guys, and have a HAPPY NEW YEAR! :D