12 Hours....9 more hours to go....

Okay so, right now I am at church. Doing basically nothing. Except be here on this computer. I was asked to play for the 24 hours event that was happening at church. So, I basically woke up today at .... 5:45 a.m, got ready to go, ate breakfast, prepared to leave, and went. We (me, my brother, mom, and dad) arrived at church by 6:45ish. Then from 7:00-9:00 A.M., I played piano. for 2 hours. hahaha. Although it was really tiring, it was actually fun! :) Praising God is always fun anyway. hahaha. But yes, playing for 2 hours straight can be a killer sometimes, but thank God for his strength to move on. I could seriously feel God's presence in the room. Do you know what it's like in God's presence? Do you know what it feels like to just feel His presence, His love, His awesomeness, His power, His everything?? It' s just the most incredible feeling, ever. One of the songs that we sang was "Better is One Day". How true is that song! It IS better to spend ONE day in the presence of the Lord than it is to be ANYWHERE else. Only GOD can fill the emptiness in our hearts; only the LORD can help us in our time of NEED. Only the LORD is able to help you in any problem, situation; NOTHING is too big for our AWESOME + powerful GOD. NOTHING...

I just wanna briefly speak of the 24 hour thing. At 7:00, Ps. Joe led the P&W. It was, at first, kinda awkward for me because I didn't know what songs we were going to play next.. he didn't tell us the order, so i was like.. uhhh, GOD help! hahaha. But yes, we managed to play the songs that we weren't even PLANNInG to play, so thank God for his grace + for giving us ability. Then Jonathan led the next hour. As we all eased into worship, I could really sense His power working through us. I could feel His annointing on Jon, me, Jeremiah, Michael, and Philip. Honestly, I felt like I was the worst player there. hahaah. Like, okay maybe not the WORSt, but i felt like i was a bad keyboardist. I thought that I knew how to play well, but then the Lord just humbled me so much! In the first half of the worship session, I didn't know what else to play. All creativity was absent. My beat was off, I couldn't play all that well. Plus, God wasn't the one I was focusing on, to be honest. COMPLETE truth. I was so distracted. I felt bad, and I just cried out to God. I asked for Him to be glorified; NOT me, NOT the P&W team, but HIM. If i end up playing well, let GOD be the one to be praised, NOT me. Because a lot of the time, in all honesty, I get proud quite easily. God knows this. Like, the worst thing is when God blesses my ministry, and then people compliment me, and then i start thinking 'I"m all that' kinda thing, even though it's SO wrong. So, as God helped me today, and as He used me, I asked God that I don't get proud. I asked Him to help me realize that it's ALL about Him. It's not about how WELL i play, it's not about how well WE play. It's about the heart. the HEART.

I remember asking God to use me, not to impress anyone, but just to use it for HIM. And you know what? He DID. He used us all. That's something TRULY only God would do. No one else would do that. All other religions say that it's up to US to get saved; by OUR works. Christianity is the ONLY one that says it's by GOD's grace. It's the ONLY one that teaches about a LOVING, COMPASSIONATE God. All other 'gods' that are worshipped are HARSH, CRUEL..... The fact is, there CAN only be ONE God, and that's the God of the Bible.

How do i know this? Because I have EXPERIENCED and i have WITNESSED the miracles of the TRUE God. I have seen, I have HEARD, and I have FELT God. Wanna know about my encounter with God? Here's a little testimony:

I was born into a good family- my family loved me, and I knew it. But OUTSIDE the family, well, I didn't feel that anyone loved me. You know, I felt really unloved. A lot of the time, I felt ignored; many of you who know me know how SHY I am. I am like, the QUIETest person you've ever met =P Heheh. I think BECAUSE I was so quiet, people never really knew what to say to me, cause I never really opened up to people. Even my 'friends' were all about 'playing'. I didn't feel like my 'best' friend was there for me whenever I needed her. And she was basically one of the ONLY friends I had in this church. So, I never really 'fit in' with the rest of my age group. I moved Sunday School classes faster than most of the people my age. So, it was usually only me, my 'best' friend, and two other guys who were with the older kids. But, AGAIN, I never felt like I truly fitted in. I didn't really have much in common with them. (I STILL don't have much in common with them, But it's different now; i'll explain later). So, for the LONGEST time, I felt insecure in myself and who I was. And I didn't really experience God before, so it was like, I wasn't too sure that God loved me for ME, cause it seemed liek a lot of people DIDN"T you know?
But yeah, anyways, in April of 2004, I attended a retreat with my youth group. It was fun, but I still felt alone. The first night we were there, we had a message preached by Nick. It was a good message, and I enjoyed it. Right AFTER the message, Nick suddenly said, "There's some one in this room who hasn't felt loved in a long time." He didn't know me, mind you. He was a guest speaker, yet God suddenly spoke to him.

Now, up to this point, I never really 'realized' how alone I felt.. I know it's strange, but it's the truth. I was hurting, but I didn't fully REALIZE HOW much I suffered. But yes, when Nick said that, my response was.. "I haven't felt loved in a long time..." But i honestly didn't think it could be me. I didn't think God would say that SPECIFICALLY to ME. I thought, "i'm not important. Why would God pay attention to someone like ME, you know?" So I didn't think it was ME. I didn't say anything.... i was like, I wonder who it is....

Anyway, Nick went into prayer, and like, I was just sitting there. After Nick said what he said, I realized, at that point, how hurt I was. So I began to cry. I remember sitting there, crying. Melissa saw me in this 'grieving' position.. so she asked me if I was okay. I was comforted by her words, but I still ended up crying or whatever... so then she told one of the youth leaders, Jesse, that I was crying. I remember- I was sitting there.... bouncing my knee up and down... ( I had stopped crying at this point) and then Jesse came up to me. He knelt beside me, and then he spoke the most encouraging words I had heard in all my thirteen years. He said, "Jennifer... I feel like God is telling YOU- You belong to my Kingdom." At that point, I just started bawling all over again. I LITERALLY started to break down. I cried my EYES out. Those words were just SO touching. I didn't feel like I belonged anywhere, but God KNEW my heart. He knew that I needed to feel like I belonged SOMEWHERE, so He got Jesse to say it. It HAD to be God because no one else knew I was hurting. How did Jesse know the EXACT words to make me feel better? Only God knows. It blew my mind away that FINALLY, I belonged SOMEWHERE. I never heard those words before, so I honestly was just so touched. So I was bawling, LOL. I remember as I was crying, my sister came up, started hugging me, etc. After I calmed down, I thought all my tears were done. I was WRONG.

Meanwhile, while I was with my sister, Nick was praying for other people. He said that he was going to pray for people who God told him to speak to; and he would KNOW which one to pray for because God would shine a 'light' on someone to be prayed for. And guess what? I was one of those people who had 'light beams' shining on my head. So Nick came over to me. He was quiet for a moment. I think he was hearing what God was trying to tell me. Anyway, after a couple of minutes of silence, or maybe it was seconds...he said to me, "God is healing you right now.... I can see Him pulling out all the arrows in your heart. Pulling them out ONE by ONE. I can see His love pouring out for you. His love is being poured from a jar that has no bottom.... HIs love just KEEPS on pouring onto you... " Of course, I was bawling again... crying my eyes out YET again... I was just so touched by the words.. I finally felt, for the FIRST time, God and His amazing love. You know, in the presence of God, sometimes His presence becomes so holy that you can't stand up properly. And that's what was happening with me. I felt God's presence SO strongly, that I kept on shaking. SHAKING. My legs felt weak. It was wobbly... I kept on shaking. I felt like my legs were made out of jelly or something..it was incredible.

After this experience with the Lord, I realized HOW REAL God was, and I realized God loved me. It really made me appreciate God more. But you know what? Despite that AMAZING experience with Him, the situation at church and school didn't change. I still felt alone a lot, i felt ignored. I remember, a lot of the times, I still became hurt. But what was different was the fact that this time, I knew that God would heal me. I knew that God is there for me. all the time. But, as a human being, sometimes you NEED affection.. so yeah, a lot of times, I still hurt. But, God was always there to make me feel better about myself. After obeying God on a lot of occassions, He really made my life better! After opening up to people about the truth of how I felt about church and the people there, like how I was bitter, cause I WAS since I felt so alone there.
After opening up to them, the people there made more of an effort to make me feel more welcome. And it was ALL because of God. so because of God,He made my life better. He made me feel better about myself. And He brought people into my life to become my friends, my mentors. There are SIX major people in my life who really helped me develop in my life. I mean, other than my family. In particular, Hazel Ali, Trudy Tan, Jesse Sudirgo, Lesley Park, Audrey Mak, and Jonathan Angka. These people were there for me when I needed someone to either talk to, to hang out with, to give me some godly advice. I am SO thankful for these people :) You guys are truly a blessing to me. Thank you SO much for tolerating me, for being my friend, a shoulder to cry on, a person to go to for advice, etc. You guys are awesome =)

Anyway, my point in writing this testimony was to say that God truly exists. and He is the all POWERFUL God who provides for your needs; He is that BEST friend you can always rely on. He always provides you with the people who you need to grow. Jesus can be that for YOU, but you've gotta first ask Him to come into your heart, be your Lord and Saviour, realize how SINFUL you are without Him, and repent of your sins. Only THEN can He be your BEST FRIEND, your provider, your everything. He's waiting for YOU. Are you ready to be HIS? <3 He LOVES YOU. It doesn't matter how much you sin, or how bad you are. Nothing is too BIG or sinful for God. He cares about YOU, HIS creation. He wants everyone to be saved. And the best part about having a relationship with the LORD is that you are promised a place in Heaven, and not hell. You can rejoice with GOD forever. Last for eternity in bliss and happiness =) Pretty good deal huh? hahah :D God is good. Amen?? WOW.. the LONGEST entry ever! HOpe it was worth your reading =) hahaha.